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Emma's avatar

This post was so fun to read.

My forever questions: who, in any tradition, is practicing being awesome at relationships? At giving and receiving love? At resolving misunderstandings? Transforming conflict?

I appreciate art, medicine and a really well-designed logistical plan, but these other topics matter to me so much more. And I think it’s what at least a significant chunk of people are really asking about when they ask about morality.

Recently in a recorded conversation with Charlie, you spoke about man in an elevator who whose companion was annoyed with him. This man was able to transform the conversation in some way that both made his partner feel heard, but also dissolved the frustration of the situation. Who is the best at this? Who is even quite good at it, enough to offer instruction?

The absence of aspirational examples seems to be part of the reason why people get so upset when “so-and-so person I admired had sex with the wrong person.” People are looking for role models who are awesome at navigating relationships when the stakes are high, like when sex or anger are in the mix. They project their desire for a heroic example onto all manner of targets. And I get it—I can’t think even think of an imaginary ideal like Achilles or Merlin, but for interpersonal heroism. We have so many examples of heroes who are smart, hot, rich, enlightened, powerful, interesting, agile, fearless, the very best at violence—who is the very best at mediating conflict so no party feels humiliated? Where is our warrior class of citizens who knows how to diffuse a bar fight before punches are thrown?

I don’t want to “face personal challenges with gentleness and intelligence to attain spiritual realization.” Facing personal challenges with gentleness and intelligence seems fully self-justifying! I would prefer to practice that directly.

There is so much be gained, in so many different domains of human activity, by valuing expertise in these areas. Where are the people being heroic and awesome *like this*?

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Nicolai Amrehn's avatar

My e-mail program apparently broke and I first received an e-mail from you simply with the subject „You should be a God-Emperor“ and no content.

That was disorienting and refreshing.

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